While the overall application so far was good, we would like to request an extended personality section. Specifically-- how does she act toward others? What are her thoughts about himself? What are her flaws? Does she have any personality quirks or anything pertinent to her individual character? Tell us more about her. Don't just say how she is--give examples of how she reacts in situations.
The personality mentions her confusion and references self-exile; can you elaborate on why she is confused with herself and why she went into this self-exile? Explain in ways she has changed other than confusion or how and which of her ideals have weakened. How does x affect y concerning her personality. This is your chance to make her shine, so we would like to know more about her!
If you respond to this comment with your revisions, we'll look them over ASAP! You'll have until 08/11.
WAVERING
The personality mentions her confusion and references self-exile; can you elaborate on why she is confused with herself and why she went into this self-exile? Explain in ways she has changed other than confusion or how and which of her ideals have weakened. How does x affect y concerning her personality. This is your chance to make her shine, so we would like to know more about her!
If you respond to this comment with your revisions, we'll look them over ASAP! You'll have until 08/11.