Don't worry, kid. You'll hear all about the huntsman's awesome gear when our heroes get to him, but first they've gotta make their way through the enchanted forest. [He shrugs, then goes back into his deep, mildly impressive narrator voice.]
As the duo neared the enchanted forest where the huntsman lived, Lil Cal Riding Hood stopped walking and turned to face the Pied Strider. "Before we enter the forest," he said, "you need to know one thing. The forest's enchantments make it easy for travelers to get lost between the trees forever. That's why you have to follow the path." The Pied Strider blinked in confusion. "What path?", he asked. Lil Cal Riding Hood chuckled and pointed ahead, to a path laid out with yellow bricks. It was the yellow brick path that would lead them to the huntsman and they were not to stray from it, no matter what sort of awesome temptations they encountered. The Pied Strider nodded his head in agreement and into the forest they went.
After only a few minutes of walking, it became pretty damn obvious why the forest was enchanted. From the safety of the yellow brick path, they spotted all sorts of strange creatures darting through the woods. Fairies, gnomes, leprechauns, elves... There were talking salamanders and colorful unicorns, and the Pied Strider could've sworn he saw a nasty green ogre at some point. Still, they kept walking until they passed a house. It wasn't just any old house, either. This one was made of greasy junkfood and snacks! A path of bacon strips led to the front door, which was a gigantic poptart. The walls were made of pizza bread and the straw roof wasn't made of straw at all. It was a huge collection of french fries. The smell of freshly-made tacos rose up from the chimney and the Pied Strider stopped in his tracks, overcome by mad hunger.
"Don't be tempted, Pied Strider!" warned Lil Cal Riding Hood. "That house isn't on our path. If you go inside, you'll never come back out." But the Pied Strider groaned in dismay. His tummy was rumbling and the food smelled ever so good. Lil Cal Riding Hood promised that they'd pass a few apple trees soon enough, with their fruit dangling right over the path and free for the taking. Trusting his new friend's word, the Pied Strider turned away from the pizzabread house and tried to keep walking.
Just then, the door to the pizzabread house slammed open and the owner came running out after them. It was a witch. She reeked of cheap perfume and martinis. "Stop!" cried the witch. "Come back! Please, come inside my house and keep me company! I have all the hamburgers you can eat!" But both the Pied Strider and Lil Cal Riding Hood shook their heads. They could not keep the witch company, because they had to be on their way. They had to follow the yellow brick path to find the huntsman who could help them gather the pack of wolves. The witch threw herself down before their feet, begging them to stay. Even with all her delicious grub, no one ever came by to keep her company because she was a crazy, drunk spinster.
"If you want company, why don't you come with us?" the Pied Strider asked. "You can come meet the Huntsman with us and then you won't be all alone. Maybe he'll even help you with your alcohol problem." The witch immediately shook her head, claiming she didn't have a fucking alcohol problem and that she could quit drinkin' any time she wanted to. Even so, she longed for friendship and so she joined the Pied Strider and Lil Cal Riding Hood on their quest for the huntsman.
no subject
As the duo neared the enchanted forest where the huntsman lived, Lil Cal Riding Hood stopped walking and turned to face the Pied Strider. "Before we enter the forest," he said, "you need to know one thing. The forest's enchantments make it easy for travelers to get lost between the trees forever. That's why you have to follow the path." The Pied Strider blinked in confusion. "What path?", he asked. Lil Cal Riding Hood chuckled and pointed ahead, to a path laid out with yellow bricks. It was the yellow brick path that would lead them to the huntsman and they were not to stray from it, no matter what sort of awesome temptations they encountered. The Pied Strider nodded his head in agreement and into the forest they went.
After only a few minutes of walking, it became pretty damn obvious why the forest was enchanted. From the safety of the yellow brick path, they spotted all sorts of strange creatures darting through the woods. Fairies, gnomes, leprechauns, elves... There were talking salamanders and colorful unicorns, and the Pied Strider could've sworn he saw a nasty green ogre at some point. Still, they kept walking until they passed a house. It wasn't just any old house, either. This one was made of greasy junkfood and snacks! A path of bacon strips led to the front door, which was a gigantic poptart. The walls were made of pizza bread and the straw roof wasn't made of straw at all. It was a huge collection of french fries. The smell of freshly-made tacos rose up from the chimney and the Pied Strider stopped in his tracks, overcome by mad hunger.
"Don't be tempted, Pied Strider!" warned Lil Cal Riding Hood. "That house isn't on our path. If you go inside, you'll never come back out." But the Pied Strider groaned in dismay. His tummy was rumbling and the food smelled ever so good. Lil Cal Riding Hood promised that they'd pass a few apple trees soon enough, with their fruit dangling right over the path and free for the taking. Trusting his new friend's word, the Pied Strider turned away from the pizzabread house and tried to keep walking.
Just then, the door to the pizzabread house slammed open and the owner came running out after them. It was a witch. She reeked of cheap perfume and martinis. "Stop!" cried the witch. "Come back! Please, come inside my house and keep me company! I have all the hamburgers you can eat!" But both the Pied Strider and Lil Cal Riding Hood shook their heads. They could not keep the witch company, because they had to be on their way. They had to follow the yellow brick path to find the huntsman who could help them gather the pack of wolves. The witch threw herself down before their feet, begging them to stay. Even with all her delicious grub, no one ever came by to keep her company because she was a crazy, drunk spinster.
"If you want company, why don't you come with us?" the Pied Strider asked. "You can come meet the Huntsman with us and then you won't be all alone. Maybe he'll even help you with your alcohol problem." The witch immediately shook her head, claiming she didn't have a fucking alcohol problem and that she could quit drinkin' any time she wanted to. Even so, she longed for friendship and so she joined the Pied Strider and Lil Cal Riding Hood on their quest for the huntsman.